Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 Miles
That interview? Supposed to be today, after being originally scheduled for last week? Yeah…it was postponed again. Rescheduled for tomorrow morning. The executive director couldn’t fly in to Chicago last night, and with bad weather in New York, isn’t it almost inevitable that the interview will get pushed back again? I’m awash with optimism…
Stay tuned, friends…
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The World’s Worst Interview(er)
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 Miles
Yesterday I wrote about what I perceived to be a scam sent to desperate job seekers who posted their resumes on Career Builder, but the truth is that I’ve gotten a few solid leads from employers that saw my online resume and contacted me about one of their real job openings.
Or have I?
Recently, I’ve talked to two different employers that asked me to come in for an interview to discuss vacancies in their sales forces. Both assured me that the positions were not purely commission-based, both promised a fast track toward management and running a team of salesmen, and both offered what they deemed to be near unlimited earnings potential.
Though not excited about making a living in sales, I grabbed the first open interview slot (today at 10:30 am) and drove out to Lombard (town motto: “We’re Halfway to Aurora!”) to consider a new career path. What I got instead was a little lesson in the do’s and don’ts of interviewing a job candidate:
DO ask questions. That’s the plural of “question.” Remember that.
DON’T talk for an hour uninterrupted while the job candidate fights his desire to yawn.
DO get personal with the candidate, learning what makes him tick.
DON’T ask what the candidate’s parents do for a living and then never again invite him to join the conversation.
I know it sounds like exaggeration, but the interviewer literally asked me one question. One. And that was the question about my parents. Nothing about my resume, nothing about my experience, nothing about my interests…but man could he spin a mediocre yarn. If you’ve never heard the history of the insurance industry as told by a 58-year-old insurance lifer, well, you haven’t lived. Oh, and the “not purely commission-based” line I was given? Horseshit. He said they would advance me future commission if I needed the money, but there was zero salary associated with the job.
Shockingly enough, the interviewer told me he really enjoyed our “conversation” and told me he’d like me to sit down with his boss next week to discuss specifics. Really? Are you that lonely that you’re willing to hire someone simply because he is (barely) capable of not telling you to shut the fuck up?
When I woke up this morning, I doubted that I wanted this sales job, but I went on the interview for two reasons: a) because I promised myself that I would explore any and every opportunity to rejoin the workforce as soon as possible; and b) I thought I could use the experience as a trial run for tomorrow’s interview for a job about which I’m excited. I definitely didn’t get an edge for tomorrow, but at least a middle aged middle manager now thinks he would get along well with my parents.
I’m sure they can’t wait to meet him.
Yesterday I wrote about what I perceived to be a scam sent to desperate job seekers who posted their resumes on Career Builder, but the truth is that I’ve gotten a few solid leads from employers that saw my online resume and contacted me about one of their real job openings.
Or have I?
Recently, I’ve talked to two different employers that asked me to come in for an interview to discuss vacancies in their sales forces. Both assured me that the positions were not purely commission-based, both promised a fast track toward management and running a team of salesmen, and both offered what they deemed to be near unlimited earnings potential.
Though not excited about making a living in sales, I grabbed the first open interview slot (today at 10:30 am) and drove out to Lombard (town motto: “We’re Halfway to Aurora!”) to consider a new career path. What I got instead was a little lesson in the do’s and don’ts of interviewing a job candidate:
DO ask questions. That’s the plural of “question.” Remember that.
DON’T talk for an hour uninterrupted while the job candidate fights his desire to yawn.
DO get personal with the candidate, learning what makes him tick.
DON’T ask what the candidate’s parents do for a living and then never again invite him to join the conversation.
I know it sounds like exaggeration, but the interviewer literally asked me one question. One. And that was the question about my parents. Nothing about my resume, nothing about my experience, nothing about my interests…but man could he spin a mediocre yarn. If you’ve never heard the history of the insurance industry as told by a 58-year-old insurance lifer, well, you haven’t lived. Oh, and the “not purely commission-based” line I was given? Horseshit. He said they would advance me future commission if I needed the money, but there was zero salary associated with the job.
Shockingly enough, the interviewer told me he really enjoyed our “conversation” and told me he’d like me to sit down with his boss next week to discuss specifics. Really? Are you that lonely that you’re willing to hire someone simply because he is (barely) capable of not telling you to shut the fuck up?
When I woke up this morning, I doubted that I wanted this sales job, but I went on the interview for two reasons: a) because I promised myself that I would explore any and every opportunity to rejoin the workforce as soon as possible; and b) I thought I could use the experience as a trial run for tomorrow’s interview for a job about which I’m excited. I definitely didn’t get an edge for tomorrow, but at least a middle aged middle manager now thinks he would get along well with my parents.
I’m sure they can’t wait to meet him.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Of Scams and Shams
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 Miles
The world of online job searches can be a funny thing.
Since finding myself unemployed, I’ve applied to more than 30 jobs…and investigated dozens of other open positions that I determined were not the right fit. I’ve talked to recruiters and career coaches. I’ve networked my ass off. And I’ve even posted my resumes in some public forums – an action that has led to both interesting and surreal communications from prospective employers.
You know that e-mail scam in which a wealthy foreigner needs help moving millions of dollars from his homeland and promises you a percentage of his fortune in exchange for your assistance (usually in the form of providing him your bank account information)? Well, today I think I discovered its job search cousin. Take a look at this:
Frankly, I wasn’t sold until I learned the job would help me develop high self-respect and esteem. That shit is priceless, you know?
In the world of real jobs, I’m still sending off my resume in bunches and working every possible connection at my disposal. Last week’s phone interview went well and I’m optimistic that I’ll be one of a handful of candidates to get an in-person interview next week. I also have my long-delayed interview coming up on Thursday (I say “long-delayed” even though it’s only been pushed back 8 days. It just feels longer)…and I’m really excited about that one.
For now, however, I need to talk routing numbers with a Nigerian prince…
The world of online job searches can be a funny thing.
Since finding myself unemployed, I’ve applied to more than 30 jobs…and investigated dozens of other open positions that I determined were not the right fit. I’ve talked to recruiters and career coaches. I’ve networked my ass off. And I’ve even posted my resumes in some public forums – an action that has led to both interesting and surreal communications from prospective employers.
You know that e-mail scam in which a wealthy foreigner needs help moving millions of dollars from his homeland and promises you a percentage of his fortune in exchange for your assistance (usually in the form of providing him your bank account information)? Well, today I think I discovered its job search cousin. Take a look at this:
Dear Matthew Smith,
Our Organization is in the business of exchanging, buying, selling E-gold, PayPal and other e-currencies. We have local offices in Sweden, Finland, France, Spain, and Germany. Currently we are offering part-time job of "Transfer Manager" in the United States of America.
We are looking for few professionals who are good team players who can use their initiative, deliver results and show their commitment to excellence. If you are looking for new experience, new accomplishments in your career and are willing to receive better salary you are welcome to join our firm. We have found your CV at careerbuilder.com database, and consider you to be a great candidate for the vacancy which we propose
Job Description:
The task of the "Transfer Manager" is collecting transfers (to your checking account) from our customers in timely manner, sending them to our company in Sweden via bank transfers, and solving issues associated with these tasks.
Every payment will be accompanied with detailed instructions.
WE WILL UNDERTAKE FOR ALL THE FEES CONNECTED WITH YOUR EMPLOYMENT
General requirements:
• Age 21-65;
• Honesty, responsibility and promptness in operations;
• Microsoft Office skills;
• Good communications skills;
• Willingness to work from home, take responsibility and achieve higher goals;
• Any experience in customer service sphere is appreciated.
• 3-10 hours per week
• Salary: $600-$1500 per week. It is a commission based position - 8% from each processed order.
This position will allow you to:
• work efficiently from home, on flexible schedule.
• Become financially independent;
• increase available personal time;
• develop high self-respect and esteem;
If you want to apply this position, please apply here. [Editor’s Note: I accept no responsibility if you click the “apply here” link.]
Frankly, I wasn’t sold until I learned the job would help me develop high self-respect and esteem. That shit is priceless, you know?
In the world of real jobs, I’m still sending off my resume in bunches and working every possible connection at my disposal. Last week’s phone interview went well and I’m optimistic that I’ll be one of a handful of candidates to get an in-person interview next week. I also have my long-delayed interview coming up on Thursday (I say “long-delayed” even though it’s only been pushed back 8 days. It just feels longer)…and I’m really excited about that one.
For now, however, I need to talk routing numbers with a Nigerian prince…
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The People Have Spoken
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 Miles
A few days ago, I wrote about a job interview that was canceled because the interviewer could not get away from her work in New York. Because the recruiter with whom I’m working did not know when it could be rescheduled, I offered to fly to New York (trying to showcase my enthusiasm for the position and set myself apart from other candidates). Then, I had a flash of panic…fearing that my offer may have been perceived as more desperate than proactive.
To allay my fears, I posted a poll on this blog and the results have been compelling. As of this morning, 8 of the 9 voters agreed that my offer was a good one (the lone dissenter did not make his or her rationale known, either through commenting publicly or contacting me privately). My favorite voting explanation was delivered by one of my oldest friends, who intelligently concluded, “This isn’t dating…playing hard-to-get is just plain stupid.”
Thank you to everyone who voted, both for sharing your opinions and supporting my decision. I will be sure to include more voting options in the future, so long as I can guarantee that your votes will be in line with my opinions. You know…kind of like Fox News polls.
I wish I had more to report on the job front today, but alas, there have been no new developments. I’m looking forward to my phone interview tomorrow…even though I’m not entirely positive the job is perfect. It’ s still better than unemployment, right?
A few days ago, I wrote about a job interview that was canceled because the interviewer could not get away from her work in New York. Because the recruiter with whom I’m working did not know when it could be rescheduled, I offered to fly to New York (trying to showcase my enthusiasm for the position and set myself apart from other candidates). Then, I had a flash of panic…fearing that my offer may have been perceived as more desperate than proactive.
To allay my fears, I posted a poll on this blog and the results have been compelling. As of this morning, 8 of the 9 voters agreed that my offer was a good one (the lone dissenter did not make his or her rationale known, either through commenting publicly or contacting me privately). My favorite voting explanation was delivered by one of my oldest friends, who intelligently concluded, “This isn’t dating…playing hard-to-get is just plain stupid.”
Thank you to everyone who voted, both for sharing your opinions and supporting my decision. I will be sure to include more voting options in the future, so long as I can guarantee that your votes will be in line with my opinions. You know…kind of like Fox News polls.
I wish I had more to report on the job front today, but alas, there have been no new developments. I’m looking forward to my phone interview tomorrow…even though I’m not entirely positive the job is perfect. It’ s still better than unemployment, right?
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
A Message from Above
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 miles
For someone without a job, I have to admit, I’m a pretty lucky sonofabitch.
After yesterday’s admittedly depressing entry, I received a number of e-mails and calls from friends concerned about my state of mind and encouraging me to keep grinding. Wow. Who knew people were reading…and actually cared?
I should admit to two things: first, I was never as down as my tone implied. I know this is a marathon and I never really considered giving up just because my job leads had slowed down. But also…I needed a fresh angle yesterday and the whole “pity party” thing seemed like it might get me somewhere. The lesson, I suppose, is don’t trust an artist’s alleged pain.
That’s right, I just called myself an artist.
But the other lesson I learned is that many of you feel like you have a stake in my job search. Some of you were understandably worried for my mental health, but others empathized because they too had been (or are) unemployed and know what a drain it is (financially and emotionally). Thank you to everyone who reached out…and to those of you who even thought about reaching out. Frankly, I’m lucky that you’re even reading; that some people took action is icing on the cake.
(I don’t know if that was the real God who posted a comment – like faux-celebrities on Twitter, it could have been an impostor. But thanks anyway, Big Man.)
I’m happy to report that my delayed interview has been officially rescheduled for next Thursday…and that I have a phone interview for another job this Friday. But I’m even happier to report that I’m still here, still pushing and still coming up with new excuses to not work out.
At least you can always count on me for that.
For someone without a job, I have to admit, I’m a pretty lucky sonofabitch.
After yesterday’s admittedly depressing entry, I received a number of e-mails and calls from friends concerned about my state of mind and encouraging me to keep grinding. Wow. Who knew people were reading…and actually cared?
I should admit to two things: first, I was never as down as my tone implied. I know this is a marathon and I never really considered giving up just because my job leads had slowed down. But also…I needed a fresh angle yesterday and the whole “pity party” thing seemed like it might get me somewhere. The lesson, I suppose, is don’t trust an artist’s alleged pain.
That’s right, I just called myself an artist.
But the other lesson I learned is that many of you feel like you have a stake in my job search. Some of you were understandably worried for my mental health, but others empathized because they too had been (or are) unemployed and know what a drain it is (financially and emotionally). Thank you to everyone who reached out…and to those of you who even thought about reaching out. Frankly, I’m lucky that you’re even reading; that some people took action is icing on the cake.
(I don’t know if that was the real God who posted a comment – like faux-celebrities on Twitter, it could have been an impostor. But thanks anyway, Big Man.)
I’m happy to report that my delayed interview has been officially rescheduled for next Thursday…and that I have a phone interview for another job this Friday. But I’m even happier to report that I’m still here, still pushing and still coming up with new excuses to not work out.
At least you can always count on me for that.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Hitting the Wall
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 miles
You know how runners can “hit the wall” at some point during an excruciating race, feeling both physical and mental fatigue conspiring against them? Well, I’m there now…you know, except without any real physical fatigue.
Now a full two weeks into my unemployment, I am for the first time mentally drained and more than a little frustrated. I have fully exhausted all Chicagoland development (nonprofit fundraising) job leads. I have e-mailed just about everyone I know hoping that someone had an opportunity in his or her back pocket. I’ve even started an almost modestly popular blog and shamelessly self-promoted it via Twitter and Facebook.
So where am I? Pretty much nowhere. I mean, I still have an interview lurking (the recruiter called me to tentatively schedule it for 2/25…completely ignoring my offer to fly to New York). I realize that’s not nothing. But I also realize that I’m going to have to broaden my search and/or lower my expectations if I want to rejoin the workforce sooner rather than later.
The mainstream job search sites (monster, career builder, etc.) are filled with crap – literally hundreds of job opportunities that don’t interest me, wouldn’t compensate me adequately, AND for which I’m not qualified. Isn’t that a kick in the nuts?
I know I can’t afford to wallow in self-pity and simply wait for the phone to ring. I won’t do that…or at least that’s what I keep promising myself. As a veteran of dozens of competitive races (disclaimer: I was not all that competitive in most of them), I know what “the wall” feels like. I know I’m up against it now. And I know that even if I push through, there may be another, stronger, taller wall ahead of me.
What I don’t know is, will I have the toughness to make the necessary push? Self-awareness has put me on the slippery slope to doubt…and doubt can easily slide deeper into impotence (in the metaphorical, non-sexual sense).
Somebody has to have some good news, right? Let me hear from you…
You know how runners can “hit the wall” at some point during an excruciating race, feeling both physical and mental fatigue conspiring against them? Well, I’m there now…you know, except without any real physical fatigue.
Now a full two weeks into my unemployment, I am for the first time mentally drained and more than a little frustrated. I have fully exhausted all Chicagoland development (nonprofit fundraising) job leads. I have e-mailed just about everyone I know hoping that someone had an opportunity in his or her back pocket. I’ve even started an almost modestly popular blog and shamelessly self-promoted it via Twitter and Facebook.
So where am I? Pretty much nowhere. I mean, I still have an interview lurking (the recruiter called me to tentatively schedule it for 2/25…completely ignoring my offer to fly to New York). I realize that’s not nothing. But I also realize that I’m going to have to broaden my search and/or lower my expectations if I want to rejoin the workforce sooner rather than later.
The mainstream job search sites (monster, career builder, etc.) are filled with crap – literally hundreds of job opportunities that don’t interest me, wouldn’t compensate me adequately, AND for which I’m not qualified. Isn’t that a kick in the nuts?
I know I can’t afford to wallow in self-pity and simply wait for the phone to ring. I won’t do that…or at least that’s what I keep promising myself. As a veteran of dozens of competitive races (disclaimer: I was not all that competitive in most of them), I know what “the wall” feels like. I know I’m up against it now. And I know that even if I push through, there may be another, stronger, taller wall ahead of me.
What I don’t know is, will I have the toughness to make the necessary push? Self-awareness has put me on the slippery slope to doubt…and doubt can easily slide deeper into impotence (in the metaphorical, non-sexual sense).
Somebody has to have some good news, right? Let me hear from you…
Monday, February 15, 2010
Enthusiastic Go-Getter or Desperate Douchebag? You Decide
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 miles
I’m feeling a little light headed today and my nearly two full weeks of unemployment is only partially to blame.
The Future Missus, likely after noticing my progress (or lack thereof) on the elliptical and bulging beer gut, decided that I needed to start a new diet to shed some of my excess girth. And while I usually wait for winter to end before losing my hibernation reserves, to make the best first impression I need to ensure that my suit jacket fully closes.
That’s a long preamble for saying that I feel like I’m running on fumes today and had zero motivation to work out. At least that’s a more reasonable excuse than my customary “didn’t feel like it. Fuck off.”
Anyway, there’s not much to report today than a disappointing call I received this morning from the recruiter who had set up an interview for me on Wednesday. She told me that the executive director cannot fly to Chicago this week and needed to reschedule. She assured me that the company was still VERY interested in my candidacy, but that time constraints made an interview impossible until next week at the earliest.
How I responded is where I need your help. Determined to set myself apart from other candidates, I offered to fly to New York to meet with the executive director at her convenience. I figured that such enthusiasm for the opportunity would cast me in a favorable light…but after making the offer, I had a moment of panic when I realized that instead I could be perceived as a pathetic and over-eager kiss-ass (for what it’s worth, the recruited sounded genuinely impressed that I would go to such lengths and promised to pass along my offer).
So I ask you, friends, did I make the right call? In this depressing job market, was I correct in offering to go (literally) the extra mile to make an impression…or would I have been better served (professionally and financially – last-minute flights ain’t cheap) to wait for the executive director’s schedule to clear up?
Please tell me what you think, either via a comment to this post or in the poll to the right. Thanks in advance for your input.
I’m feeling a little light headed today and my nearly two full weeks of unemployment is only partially to blame.
The Future Missus, likely after noticing my progress (or lack thereof) on the elliptical and bulging beer gut, decided that I needed to start a new diet to shed some of my excess girth. And while I usually wait for winter to end before losing my hibernation reserves, to make the best first impression I need to ensure that my suit jacket fully closes.
That’s a long preamble for saying that I feel like I’m running on fumes today and had zero motivation to work out. At least that’s a more reasonable excuse than my customary “didn’t feel like it. Fuck off.”
Anyway, there’s not much to report today than a disappointing call I received this morning from the recruiter who had set up an interview for me on Wednesday. She told me that the executive director cannot fly to Chicago this week and needed to reschedule. She assured me that the company was still VERY interested in my candidacy, but that time constraints made an interview impossible until next week at the earliest.
How I responded is where I need your help. Determined to set myself apart from other candidates, I offered to fly to New York to meet with the executive director at her convenience. I figured that such enthusiasm for the opportunity would cast me in a favorable light…but after making the offer, I had a moment of panic when I realized that instead I could be perceived as a pathetic and over-eager kiss-ass (for what it’s worth, the recruited sounded genuinely impressed that I would go to such lengths and promised to pass along my offer).
So I ask you, friends, did I make the right call? In this depressing job market, was I correct in offering to go (literally) the extra mile to make an impression…or would I have been better served (professionally and financially – last-minute flights ain’t cheap) to wait for the executive director’s schedule to clear up?
Please tell me what you think, either via a comment to this post or in the poll to the right. Thanks in advance for your input.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Rules to Live By
Distance Traveled: 1.07 miles (811 calories)
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 miles
That’s right, bitches. Your eyes ain’t deceiving you. I’m an elliptical pounding mother fucker, mother fuckers.
Sorry about that. Pulp Fiction only came out 16 years ago…I can still talk like Jules, right?
Well it’s Friday, it’s (almost) 10:30 and it’s inevitably time to party, so what figurative progress did I make today? Well my so-called job description has been sent out, and at a whopping 1,086 words, it’s a break from my customary slackerdom. I’ll let you know how well or poorly it’s received.
In other news, I’ve confirmed my interview for Wednesday…and confirmed that the salary is in my ballpark (although the recruiter has been frustratingly vague with compensation details). For now, we’ll mark that down as another temporary win.
So what, then, am I left to write about as the work week ends? How about some guidelines for enjoying this blog?
1. If you’re reading, you should also be following. Scroll down a bit on the right column. See that spot for “followers.” That, friends, can be you. No e-mails are sent to followers; it’s just a nice ego boost for your favorite unemployed heartthrob. No, not Freddie Prinze, Jr. I was talking about myself.
2. If you’re following, you should also be leaving comments. Why settle with being a mere follower when you can interact with me too? Leave your comments at the end of each post! Tell me “hang in there, kiddo,” or “that made me laugh! Your blog is awesome,” or “you’re a worthless asshat. No one cares what you think, Smith.” Just remember that I’m very sensitive to criticism and my tears have been known to cause global warming.
3. If you’re leaving comments, you should also be clicking on the ad-sense links and making me money. Well, more like pennies…but that’s almost real money, right? I’m not really sure how much can be made from my inclusion of Google ads, but I promise to split the proceeds (or at least share the news of my fortune) with friends should it become a profitable venture.
That’s all for now. Remember to follow the rules and thanks for reading!
Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 miles
That’s right, bitches. Your eyes ain’t deceiving you. I’m an elliptical pounding mother fucker, mother fuckers.
Sorry about that. Pulp Fiction only came out 16 years ago…I can still talk like Jules, right?
Well it’s Friday, it’s (almost) 10:30 and it’s inevitably time to party, so what figurative progress did I make today? Well my so-called job description has been sent out, and at a whopping 1,086 words, it’s a break from my customary slackerdom. I’ll let you know how well or poorly it’s received.
In other news, I’ve confirmed my interview for Wednesday…and confirmed that the salary is in my ballpark (although the recruiter has been frustratingly vague with compensation details). For now, we’ll mark that down as another temporary win.
So what, then, am I left to write about as the work week ends? How about some guidelines for enjoying this blog?
1. If you’re reading, you should also be following. Scroll down a bit on the right column. See that spot for “followers.” That, friends, can be you. No e-mails are sent to followers; it’s just a nice ego boost for your favorite unemployed heartthrob. No, not Freddie Prinze, Jr. I was talking about myself.
2. If you’re following, you should also be leaving comments. Why settle with being a mere follower when you can interact with me too? Leave your comments at the end of each post! Tell me “hang in there, kiddo,” or “that made me laugh! Your blog is awesome,” or “you’re a worthless asshat. No one cares what you think, Smith.” Just remember that I’m very sensitive to criticism and my tears have been known to cause global warming.
3. If you’re leaving comments, you should also be clicking on the ad-sense links and making me money. Well, more like pennies…but that’s almost real money, right? I’m not really sure how much can be made from my inclusion of Google ads, but I promise to split the proceeds (or at least share the news of my fortune) with friends should it become a profitable venture.
That’s all for now. Remember to follow the rules and thanks for reading!
Day Ten: The Day I Stopped Counting
Distance Traveled: 0
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
I’d like to think I’ll be able to retire this blog within a few weeks, when some poor, unsuspecting employer says, “Let’s take a chance on that Smith kid. I know his interview answers were week, but I like his style.” And yet, unemployment statistics suggest that this could be a lengthy ride…so I’m no longer keeping count of the days. After today.
We cool?
My better half called into work sick today with “Indian food indigestion,” which, I’m pretty sure is a diagnosis for which there is no known cure. Since she slept until 10, I spent the morning hours firing off resumes, eating Chinese leftovers (we’re very cross-cultural with our take-out) and NOT working out. Again. But it’s not my fault – the workout room is right next to the bedroom; it would have been cruel for me to wake up her sick ass with the grunts and wheezes that come from my fitness regime, right?
I was all set to start writing the “job description” I referred to in my last post, when my phone rang and a blocked number showed up on the caller ID. Who was it, you ask? It was a recruiter…doing a phone interview for a position to which I had applied on Monday! We spoke for about 15 minutes and I literally charmed her pants off (yes, literally. I heard her unzip). She called back a few hour later to tell me the Executive Director was flying in from New York on Wednesday and I was one of a few select candidates to “make the cut” for a formal interview!
(I will, of course, share details of the interview process. But for the sake of my prospective future employer’s privacy – and my superstition – I’m going to be vague about details until there is a definite resolution. I’m sure you understand.)
Clearly, there is still a way to go…but it’s comforting to know that my resume resonated and that my employment search may not (necessarily) be a quixotic quest. And of course, I still have to write that job description…and apply to more open positions…and, yes, get my fat ass in shape.
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
I’d like to think I’ll be able to retire this blog within a few weeks, when some poor, unsuspecting employer says, “Let’s take a chance on that Smith kid. I know his interview answers were week, but I like his style.” And yet, unemployment statistics suggest that this could be a lengthy ride…so I’m no longer keeping count of the days. After today.
We cool?
My better half called into work sick today with “Indian food indigestion,” which, I’m pretty sure is a diagnosis for which there is no known cure. Since she slept until 10, I spent the morning hours firing off resumes, eating Chinese leftovers (we’re very cross-cultural with our take-out) and NOT working out. Again. But it’s not my fault – the workout room is right next to the bedroom; it would have been cruel for me to wake up her sick ass with the grunts and wheezes that come from my fitness regime, right?
I was all set to start writing the “job description” I referred to in my last post, when my phone rang and a blocked number showed up on the caller ID. Who was it, you ask? It was a recruiter…doing a phone interview for a position to which I had applied on Monday! We spoke for about 15 minutes and I literally charmed her pants off (yes, literally. I heard her unzip). She called back a few hour later to tell me the Executive Director was flying in from New York on Wednesday and I was one of a few select candidates to “make the cut” for a formal interview!
(I will, of course, share details of the interview process. But for the sake of my prospective future employer’s privacy – and my superstition – I’m going to be vague about details until there is a definite resolution. I’m sure you understand.)
Clearly, there is still a way to go…but it’s comforting to know that my resume resonated and that my employment search may not (necessarily) be a quixotic quest. And of course, I still have to write that job description…and apply to more open positions…and, yes, get my fat ass in shape.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day Nine: There is Such Thing as a Free Lunch
Distance Traveled: 0
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
Before I regale you with the tale of my possibly triumphant afternoon, I must first say this: get off my back! Yes, I realize that this blog was intended to “track my steps toward gainful employment,” and yes, I realize that my literal steps have been too few and far between…but cut a guy some slack. The past two days I’m sure I’ve burned hundreds of calories with my too-frequent snow blower/shoveling/ice scraping ventures. Sure, I’m not exactly keeping up my workout goal…but I am getting a workout.
Are we cool now?
Anyway, yesterday I wrote about possibly doing some contract grant writing for my friend’s agency. And I must report…that’s not going to happen. But don’t fret, friends; there’s still an opportunity there.
Basically, he’s affiliated with a newly formed foundation that will be in the market to do both grant seeking and grant making…and they’re looking for someone who can make the connections necessary to ensure the foundation’s growth. That would likely entail networking, grant writing and a fancy title of my choosing (the first thing that sprang to my mind was “Philanthropy Czar” – and he was cool with it!).
While there are still many details to be sorted out (not the least of which is the compensation I expect for my as-yet undefined – and not officially offered – role), it was a rewarding conversation made even more enjoyable when he picked up the lunch tab (hence the title of today’s post…you were wondering how I’d tie that in, huh?). So now I’m tasked with writing a job description of sorts; but how much time and effort can and should I put into something that likely could distract me from my overarching goal? Do I want to position my role as one that will allow me to stay on after I find full-time employment? Or should I dial back my commitment so I can better focus on finding a job that can keep me living the fancy lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed?
I realize that these are good problems to have and good questions to answer. We’re going to touch base again on Friday to go over my notes and decide if it makes sense for us to be in business together in the future. Until then, my routine will be largely unchanged…and since there are no more big snows in the five-day forecast, that might even mean cracking the three-mile mark on my unemployment pedometer!
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
Before I regale you with the tale of my possibly triumphant afternoon, I must first say this: get off my back! Yes, I realize that this blog was intended to “track my steps toward gainful employment,” and yes, I realize that my literal steps have been too few and far between…but cut a guy some slack. The past two days I’m sure I’ve burned hundreds of calories with my too-frequent snow blower/shoveling/ice scraping ventures. Sure, I’m not exactly keeping up my workout goal…but I am getting a workout.
Are we cool now?
Anyway, yesterday I wrote about possibly doing some contract grant writing for my friend’s agency. And I must report…that’s not going to happen. But don’t fret, friends; there’s still an opportunity there.
Basically, he’s affiliated with a newly formed foundation that will be in the market to do both grant seeking and grant making…and they’re looking for someone who can make the connections necessary to ensure the foundation’s growth. That would likely entail networking, grant writing and a fancy title of my choosing (the first thing that sprang to my mind was “Philanthropy Czar” – and he was cool with it!).
While there are still many details to be sorted out (not the least of which is the compensation I expect for my as-yet undefined – and not officially offered – role), it was a rewarding conversation made even more enjoyable when he picked up the lunch tab (hence the title of today’s post…you were wondering how I’d tie that in, huh?). So now I’m tasked with writing a job description of sorts; but how much time and effort can and should I put into something that likely could distract me from my overarching goal? Do I want to position my role as one that will allow me to stay on after I find full-time employment? Or should I dial back my commitment so I can better focus on finding a job that can keep me living the fancy lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed?
I realize that these are good problems to have and good questions to answer. We’re going to touch base again on Friday to go over my notes and decide if it makes sense for us to be in business together in the future. Until then, my routine will be largely unchanged…and since there are no more big snows in the five-day forecast, that might even mean cracking the three-mile mark on my unemployment pedometer!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Days 5-8: Moving Forward while Standing Still
Distance Traveled: 0
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
Distance Traveled to Date: 2.03 miles
OK, so I haven’t made any calorie-burning progress since last week…but at least I have made a significant step toward reaching my first employment milestone. Sort of.
Maybe I should start from the top.
I suppose this blog’s gimmick – a synergy of stories about working out and working to find work – isn’t all that exciting. Sue me. But what I lack in captive ideas, I no doubt make up for with mildly amusing anecdotes, parenthetical self-interruptions (because I’m cool like that) and an endless cavalcade of short, grammatically flawed sentences. Best. Blog. Idea. Ever.
Right?
Anyway, I’ve been sending off resumes like a mo-fo, but that’s not why you’re still reading (no one is still reading? Shit). While ridiculously drunk at a Superbowl party, I exchanged a series of e-mails with a contact who wants to meet to discuss the possibility of me doing some contract grant writing for his agency. Well, it’s not really an agency…but for the sake of this blog post (and my not wanting to jinx anything by being too forthcoming about details), let’s just call it that and leave it alone.
We are meeting for lunch tomorrow, which means I’ll likely have to shave (for the first time since getting fired) and shower (for the sixth time since getting fired). I’m usually not too fond of personal grooming, but in this economy, I suppose we all have to make sacrifices. I don’t like to brag, but I’m pretty much the Gandhi of unemployment blog writers. Shit, I’ve only had Chipotle thrice in the past week!
No matter what the result is tomorrow, I will be sure to update my ones and ones of followers with details (to the extent with which my prospective employer feels comfortable). And I’ll probably even jump on the old elliptical too!
Or maybe I’ll sleep in, bask in my own body odor and order some Chipotle (fajita burrito with chicken, medium salsa, cheese, guac and lettuce – in case you’re making a run).
Friday, February 5, 2010
Day Four: Making a List
Distance Traveled: 1.12 miles (2.03 to date)
So it turns out I’m not the first newly unemployed asshole who thought that blogging would be a good way to stay creative while not collecting a paycheck. An old friend shared with me his unemployment blog, telling me he “figured with the economy the way it is, I'll start this blog and chart my progress and it'll become the zeitgeist. MSNBC will be calling me in for expert unemployment advice. Etc, etc.” What’s that they say about the best laid plans? His blog only lasted three days.
With the sense of accomplishment that comes with surpassing a peer, I feel comfortable enough stealing one of his ideas (and no, the common blog theme wasn’t theft, it was coincidence): an unemployment checklist! And because no one asked for it, here’s mine:
• Revise my resume (check!)
• Read a book (does it count if I finish any of the three books I started on vacation?)
• Get thorough medical and dental check-ups before my insurance lapses
• Study copious amounts of baseball statistics to prepare for the 2010 fantasy season (can you believe that news of my unemployment was greeted by one so-called friend with a “oh shit, you better get a job soon otherwise you’re going to dominate the league this year.” Thanks, jackass).
• Look into grad school before ultimately deciding that I just don’t give a damn about an advanced degree
• Work out daily (Day Two FAIL!)
• Figure out what I should have said when I was fired
• Figure out what I could have done differently to avoid being fired
• Figure out what I’ll do in my next job to ensure I’ll never be fired again
• Start a new blog (check!)
• Shower daily (or at least keep my five showers per week schedule that I followed while employed)
• Learn how to crochet
• Bug my friends about my blog so much that they’ll find me a job just to avoid future ramblings
• Watch two hours of daytime TV maximum each day
• Eat an entire wheel of cheese
• Oh yeah…find a job. Whew. Almost forgot.
I’d like to think I’ve made decent progress thus far. This afternoon I will apply to the first batch of jobs I found, and later, I’ll join a few friends for Happy Hour. Do I deserve to reward myself with cocktails meant as a reward for completing a hard week’s work? Probably not…but that cheese isn’t going to wash down itself.
So it turns out I’m not the first newly unemployed asshole who thought that blogging would be a good way to stay creative while not collecting a paycheck. An old friend shared with me his unemployment blog, telling me he “figured with the economy the way it is, I'll start this blog and chart my progress and it'll become the zeitgeist. MSNBC will be calling me in for expert unemployment advice. Etc, etc.” What’s that they say about the best laid plans? His blog only lasted three days.
With the sense of accomplishment that comes with surpassing a peer, I feel comfortable enough stealing one of his ideas (and no, the common blog theme wasn’t theft, it was coincidence): an unemployment checklist! And because no one asked for it, here’s mine:
• Revise my resume (check!)
• Read a book (does it count if I finish any of the three books I started on vacation?)
• Get thorough medical and dental check-ups before my insurance lapses
• Study copious amounts of baseball statistics to prepare for the 2010 fantasy season (can you believe that news of my unemployment was greeted by one so-called friend with a “oh shit, you better get a job soon otherwise you’re going to dominate the league this year.” Thanks, jackass).
• Look into grad school before ultimately deciding that I just don’t give a damn about an advanced degree
• Work out daily (Day Two FAIL!)
• Figure out what I should have said when I was fired
• Figure out what I could have done differently to avoid being fired
• Figure out what I’ll do in my next job to ensure I’ll never be fired again
• Start a new blog (check!)
• Shower daily (or at least keep my five showers per week schedule that I followed while employed)
• Learn how to crochet
• Bug my friends about my blog so much that they’ll find me a job just to avoid future ramblings
• Watch two hours of daytime TV maximum each day
• Eat an entire wheel of cheese
• Oh yeah…find a job. Whew. Almost forgot.
I’d like to think I’ve made decent progress thus far. This afternoon I will apply to the first batch of jobs I found, and later, I’ll join a few friends for Happy Hour. Do I deserve to reward myself with cocktails meant as a reward for completing a hard week’s work? Probably not…but that cheese isn’t going to wash down itself.
Day Three: The Scene of the Crime
Distance Traveled: 0.91 miles
In Genesis, it’s said that God rested on the seventh day. Well, since I aspire to be nearly half as awesome as Him, I rested on Day Three. No elliptical workout for me, although I did push my body to its limits in another challenging way.
Day Three was the day I had been scheduled to return to my office and pick up my personal effects. It’s embarrassing enough being sent home on a Tuesday, suddenly jobless, and having to walk past dozens of now-former coworkers on one’s way to the elevator…but to voluntarily walk back into that office and be forced into human interactions? Ugh. This wasn’t going to be fun.
I stepped off the elevator and immediately noticed all the uncomfortable eyes suddenly fixated on distant objects and silent phones picked up in a panic. Good times.
After spending some time with my former assistant (helping her fix a mistake she made while trying to do my work, natch), I collected all my personal items in one box. Depressing, isn’t it? You can sit in an office for 4+ years and the only things of personal value can be carried off with minimal effort?
A few folks came by to offer me luck and say their goodbyes, but there were entirely too few tears shed on my behalf. Maybe if I wasn’t such a douche, people would have responded with more emotion? Maybe if I wasn’t such a douche, I’d still have a job. Nah…I can’t afford to get caught up in this game.
It’s back on the elliptical tomorrow, as well as sending out my first batch of resumes. Oh, and I’m selling legal pads out of the trunk of my car. Let me know if you need any.
In Genesis, it’s said that God rested on the seventh day. Well, since I aspire to be nearly half as awesome as Him, I rested on Day Three. No elliptical workout for me, although I did push my body to its limits in another challenging way.
Day Three was the day I had been scheduled to return to my office and pick up my personal effects. It’s embarrassing enough being sent home on a Tuesday, suddenly jobless, and having to walk past dozens of now-former coworkers on one’s way to the elevator…but to voluntarily walk back into that office and be forced into human interactions? Ugh. This wasn’t going to be fun.
I stepped off the elevator and immediately noticed all the uncomfortable eyes suddenly fixated on distant objects and silent phones picked up in a panic. Good times.
After spending some time with my former assistant (helping her fix a mistake she made while trying to do my work, natch), I collected all my personal items in one box. Depressing, isn’t it? You can sit in an office for 4+ years and the only things of personal value can be carried off with minimal effort?
A few folks came by to offer me luck and say their goodbyes, but there were entirely too few tears shed on my behalf. Maybe if I wasn’t such a douche, people would have responded with more emotion? Maybe if I wasn’t such a douche, I’d still have a job. Nah…I can’t afford to get caught up in this game.
It’s back on the elliptical tomorrow, as well as sending out my first batch of resumes. Oh, and I’m selling legal pads out of the trunk of my car. Let me know if you need any.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day Two: Technical Difficulties
Distance Traveled: 0.91 miles
I think there’s something wrong with my elliptical.
I mean, is it even possible to burn 635 calories in 27 minutes and ONLY go 0.91 miles? I was hauling ass and sweating balls, yet I didn’t even travel a theoretical mile?
Anyway, if the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step, at least I can be comfortable in the knowledge that I took several thousand steps today. Of course, those steps didn’t even carry me one full mile, so there’s a long road ahead of me.
Today I replied to the dozens of e-mails I’ve received in the past 24 hours. I’m truly blown away by how supportive my friends (and acquaintances) have been…even though none offered to lend me money…or hire me. I guess no one is perfect.
I also made arrangements to return to my old office and collect my personal affects and any office supplies that aren’t nailed down (what’s the re-sale value for Bic pens and half-used White-Out?). That’s going to be a fun trip – lots of half-fake tears masking ex-colleagues’ relief that their jobs are still safe. Good times.
Until then, the (figurative and literal) many-mile-mission continues…
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Transitions
Distance Traveled: 0
Friends, this is going to be one of those blogs…
This morning I was informed that my job was being “consolidated,” which is a nice way of saying I was fired. Despite what you know about me, I was assured that this was not performance-based. I know…I’m as surprised as you that I didn’t screw up something big.
Anyway, I’m now left to find a new job – hopefully sooner rather than later. So I’m reaching out to you…and anyone you feel comfortable enough reaching out to on my behalf. You probably have a general idea of what I did and what my skills are, but I’m happy to reply to anyone individually who may have a specific lead (in any industry). I can’t afford to have any ego; I’m prepared to consider any opportunity and/or talk to any person who has an idea that can help.
I’m confident that Marni and I will be fine in both the short- and long-term future and I appreciate in advance your concern, support and assistance. And in the mean time…I’m going to start blogging again.
Hold your applause.
My goal is to make this page a daily log of the steps I’ve taken, both literally and figuratively, to rejoin the ranks of the gainfully employed. And to keep me focused (I’m sure I’ll need the help).
I wish I could guarantee you'll enjoy the ride, but I'm going to walk this walk. Hope you're counting.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
