Of Scams and Shams

Distance Traveled to Date: 3.10 Miles

The world of online job searches can be a funny thing.

Since finding myself unemployed, I’ve applied to more than 30 jobs…and investigated dozens of other open positions that I determined were not the right fit. I’ve talked to recruiters and career coaches. I’ve networked my ass off. And I’ve even posted my resumes in some public forums – an action that has led to both interesting and surreal communications from prospective employers.

You know that e-mail scam in which a wealthy foreigner needs help moving millions of dollars from his homeland and promises you a percentage of his fortune in exchange for your assistance (usually in the form of providing him your bank account information)? Well, today I think I discovered its job search cousin. Take a look at this:

Dear Matthew Smith,

Our Organization is in the business of exchanging, buying, selling E-gold, PayPal and other e-currencies. We have local offices in Sweden, Finland, France, Spain, and Germany. Currently we are offering part-time job of "Transfer Manager" in the United States of America.

We are looking for few professionals who are good team players who can use their initiative, deliver results and show their commitment to excellence. If you are looking for new experience, new accomplishments in your career and are willing to receive better salary you are welcome to join our firm. We have found your CV at careerbuilder.com database, and consider you to be a great candidate for the vacancy which we propose

Job Description:
The task of the "Transfer Manager" is collecting transfers (to your checking account) from our customers in timely manner, sending them to our company in Sweden via bank transfers, and solving issues associated with these tasks.

Every payment will be accompanied with detailed instructions.

WE WILL UNDERTAKE FOR ALL THE FEES CONNECTED WITH YOUR EMPLOYMENT

General requirements:
• Age 21-65;
• Honesty, responsibility and promptness in operations;
• Microsoft Office skills;
• Good communications skills;
• Willingness to work from home, take responsibility and achieve higher goals;
• Any experience in customer service sphere is appreciated.
• 3-10 hours per week
• Salary: $600-$1500 per week. It is a commission based position - 8% from each processed order.

This position will allow you to:
• work efficiently from home, on flexible schedule.
• Become financially independent;
• increase available personal time;
• develop high self-respect and esteem;

If you want to apply this position, please apply here. [Editor’s Note: I accept no responsibility if you click the “apply here” link.]

Frankly, I wasn’t sold until I learned the job would help me develop high self-respect and esteem. That shit is priceless, you know?

In the world of real jobs, I’m still sending off my resume in bunches and working every possible connection at my disposal. Last week’s phone interview went well and I’m optimistic that I’ll be one of a handful of candidates to get an in-person interview next week. I also have my long-delayed interview coming up on Thursday (I say “long-delayed” even though it’s only been pushed back 8 days. It just feels longer)…and I’m really excited about that one.

For now, however, I need to talk routing numbers with a Nigerian prince…